Lately I’ve been thinking about how long I’ve been away from home, it’s really weird that its been nine years since I’ve lived with my parents. Not saying it’s a bad thing, I just remember like it was yesterday. Doesn’t seem like it was nine years ago my brothers and I were playing outside together acting stupid. It’s funny how when you’re a kid you don’t think about time and that you won’t get that time back until you’re older and it’s gone before you know it. Makes you wish you could go back and have the same mindset you have now and have a way to slow time down so you can cherish the moments you have because once their gone their gone forever.
When I visited my parents not to long ago, I started to feel something different. Not like I was a guest in their house, but like it’s been so long since I’ve lived there that now there’s a totally different outlook on it. I don’t know if its because I’m an adult now and I see what I didn’t see then or that the fact that things have changed and it does feel different to the point I forget where things are. My old room is still their, but it’s not their (if that makes any sense) it’s still my room, I still sleep in it when I’m home, but it’s not really my room anymore, almost like the room has moved on as well.
I like going home to see my parents, it’s a lot of fun to hang out and watch the ball game with my Dad. I enjoy going to thrift stores with my Mom, she’s the best. I was born and raise in the great state of Texas. There is absolutely nothing like it and anyone who’s born there or has lived there for some time will agree with me that Texas is the best place to be.
Until next time…
So it has been awhile since I’ve wrote on here and for the people that do keep up with my blogs, I do apologies to you. The reasons why I haven’t written anything in awhile is because, I’ve actually been hired to write a television series. I’ve been hammering my brain for the past couple of weeks because I have a deadline and it was short. So it has been nothing but writing, writing, writing, all day everyday. I finished it and turned it in, now we have some major companies looking at it. I’m hoping someone picks it up and gives us a budget to shoot the pilot. I’m also a producer, so I’m having to go over things that have nothing to do with writing at all, but it’s so much fun.
This is not the reason for this blog though. My birthday was two days ago, I turned twenty-three and I feel no different. I guess that’s how it goes though when you get older, you never feel it until your body starts to do weird things and then you look in the mirror and you’re like what the hell. That’s why Dad’s getting so depressed when they turn fifty because they’re body is getting older and they actually feel a change, but until then it’s not going to feel like anything.
A really good friend of mine sent me a text message on the night of my birthday and asked me if it was good day. I started to think about that, not about that particular day, but about how my life as changed in a year. I thought about everything I’ve accomplished and the great things that have came into my life. I finished filming a movie called “Firebird” right before Thanksgiving, which was a great experience and the money was beautiful. I got a new drum cymbal endorsement with a great company called “Supernatural Cymbals” they are amazing. My Mom drove seventeen hours from Texas in the ice to spend time with me on my birthday. I got hired to write a television series and produce it and I’ve heard great things so far so fingers crossed. And last but defiantly not least; I’ve made a great friendship with a very talented writer, she’s a wonderful person, she has helped me write this television series and has came up with some unbelievable stuff. We make a great team and I can’t wait to see what the future holds in all of this.
So yeah, my birthday went really great.
I woke up today with the best attitude anyone could have, I got dressed and headed out the door. As I drove to town I started thinking about who I was going to meet for breakfast. She is the most interesting person I ever met, funny, smart, everything about her I love. She’s an amazing writer, the way she puts a lot of detail in her writing lets me paint a vivid picture in my mind. She has the best idea’s I ever heard and I’m not just saying this because i know she will read this later, I’m saying it because it’s the truth. She is very talented and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to work with.
But when I made it into town and on the residential roads, the freakin clutch went completely out of my car. Already late for breakfast I had to get out and push the car out of the road, because it just stopped right in the middle. A nice guy walking his dog asked if I needed help, thank God he came because there was no way I could have pushed this thing by myself up a small incline. We finally made it to a parking lot feeling like a million dollars in pennies. I called my friend and told I was sorry for being late and to top it off my car broke down. She came and picked me up and we went to breakfast like we planned and talked about everything. Oh we saw Andy Garcia at the cafe we were at, she was so excited to see a celebrity even though it was his dopplerganger, she fell for it big time haha.
Anyway, now I’m back at my broken down car, waiting for a friend to come get me. Even though my car is broke down, I still had a great time this morning. I guess you can say it was worth it.
So I woke up today with probably the best idea for a screenplay. I was very excited because I had the beginning, middle, and end. I wrote down the story format on my laptop so I won’t forget it later, even though it’s going to be the only thing I’ll be thinking about all day. I’m still deciding if I want to make it a short or an actual full length screenplay. I have so many ideas I’m having a hard time choosing. I need help. And fast, I have to start working on this soon so I can pitch it to some of my friends in Los Angeles I’ve worked with in the film industry. I have so much going through my mind-grapes it’s eating me alive. But it’s a great problem to have when writing a screenplay, because now since I have my story, my act one and two, all I have to do is put the pieces together like a puzzle. What I’m I gonna call this script? Forget about that for now, it’ll come to me when I’m writing it.
I don’t know how I’m going to have time for this, because I’m on a deadline as it is. I have to write a two year arc on a television series, plus a few characters backstories. Thank you to my brain, I now call you, “Mr. Bad Timing”. I have a lot on my plate, how will I get the backstories and the two year arc done by friday? I think I’m going to go throw up now, I’ll be right back.
Okay I’m back. I feel much better. You know some people have panic attacks for things like this. Lucky, I’m way to strong to let my thought-sickles to take over my body. But then again, am I? I need to call in reinforcements to save me from the over-whelming situation of a great problem I have. So much to write in so little time to write it…
What is success? Is it becoming rich? Having a fancy car or house? I think a lot of people in this world believe that money buys happiness. I absolutely disagree. Money has a lot of means, the bible says, it’s the root of all evil and I believe that. Money is an addiction to some, a curse to others, a blessing to a lot of people. I wrote a song about this, one of the lines in the song says, “Money, fame and luxury is the devils favorite cup of tea, and no one has passed the test with flying colors.” Meaning that, no one has ever figured it out perfectly nor done the right things with it at some point. Everyone has faults, nobody’s perfect. I can’t tell you how many times in school a kid would spend money his mom or dad gave them on other stuff when it was supposed to be their lunch money. But they didn’t care. I grew up with nothing, so being able to have money in my pocket is a blessing. To be in the line of work I’m in and to have the other job that fell into my lap, it’s a blessing to make the money I make. I do not take it for granite.
I think success is when you’re happy with yourself. When you can lay down at night feeling great about the things you have accomplished.
What is success to you? Think about it.
A father passing his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed to, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. “Dear Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with people in the community, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don’t worry, Dad I’m 15, I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, you Son.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true, I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when its safe for me to come home.
I was telling someone the other day that my Grandpa has passed away on Valentine day of last year. He was a different type of people, some may say he was a class act or different character, but he was a hard worker and told you what he thought. Some people didn’t like that, some brushed it off because it didn’t matter to them anyway. I for one never felt like it was that way in our relationship. I knew and remember my Grandpa like I wanted to, not how everyone else portrayed him to be. He was funny, told me once that, “If you pee on a city building, your pee sinks down into peoples drinks in the restaurant”. He always knew how to make us laugh even though it made no sense at all.
At the viewing, I don’t normally like going up to a dead body because I don’t know if I want to remember them looking that way. As I walked up to the casket, each step I take getting louder and louder, I looked over and saw my Grandpa lying there, wearing a suit and tie, looking pretty sharp. But he didn’t look like him. I don’t know if that’s normal but he looked like someone else. All my emotions didn’t react like I thought it would. I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel anything, I guess I was more curious of why he was wearing a suit because he never wore a suit.
At the funeral, you’re basically having a family reunion. Seeing all your relatives you either haven’t seen in years or you’ve never seen at all. Trying to find the right words to say to them because you don’t know how they fit into the family, but you should know because your part of the family and you’ll look like an idiot if you don’t. And then you have family that won’t even talk to you, they just eye-ball you from across the room like you a Russian spy getting ready for a massive attack of destruction. But knowing me, I brushed up on my acting skills and acted like I was from Russia, trying to recruit some fresh meat to join my force.
When the service started I became as real as a person could be. My Grandpa didn’t want someone preaching him to heaven. Why? I’ll never understand. He wanted a jam session of songs and people he loved to hear play. I played guitar, because I didn’t want to be behind a drum set if my Mom needed me. We had five other people on stage playing songs he loved to hear. When all friends went up to see him and it was the families turn. I turned and saw my Mom stand up to get out of her seat, she was crying, which makes me cry shaking her head no like she didn’t want to see him. So I walked up to see my Grandpa one last time. But something was different then the visitation, I saw him totally different. Something came over me and I begin to cry more than I have ever cried before. I couldn’t hold it back either. I just cried. My brothers quickly rushed over and hugged up against me. It was a weird feeling, because I’m staring at him one minute with no emotion whatsoever, then the next I’m saying good-bye to him five hours later. Why wasn’t I like that when I first saw him lying there?
The only thing I can come up with is, because it was the last time I was ever going to see him.
I was recently on Facebook trying to find people who I knew from a long time ago to see what their up to. I ended up stumbling on an old crush I had back when I was a lot younger. But when I clicked on her pictures, all I seen were photos of her wedding. Now I don’t have any feelings for this girl at all, but what struck me was that she is younger than me and already married. I do not know what it is these days but it seems like people my age are getting married more often than normal. Most of my childhood friends are already married…and have kids.
I mean I’m not saying I’m anti-marriage or anything, but come on what’s the rush? It’s different if you have known someone your whole life and you have everything figured out enough to take the leap and tie the knot. I don’t know maybe its normal and I’m getting left behind, nobody sent me a memo or a text message saying anything about getting married before you 25 and having kids at 20. I couldn’t image having kids at this time in my life, at this place in my life, at this freakin moment in my life, I would have a nervous breakdown. But then again they say having kids makes you realize how much doesn’t really matter anymore.
And for all the teenage girls that watch Teen Mom and still get pregnant……….You are stupid. The shows supposed to make you understand that getting pregnant before marriage and as a teen is hard and wrong.
We don’t know the reasons why things turn out the way they do. But what we do know (or you should know) is that God sets up those reasons. Sometimes we question those reasons and we may not like the way it is, but if you hang on and go with God’s plan it will be worth it. Because God can see where you’re going in this world. He has a plan for everyone and the reason why things don’t go the way you plan is (in my words) its because you are going down a path God doesn’t want you to go on or he has something better in store for you.
The thing a lot of people miss is that God loves you and wants you to have all your heart’s desires. I question things and wonder why He is taking me down this road, at this moment in my life and then after a few years later I realized, if I hadn’t gone down that road, at the moment in my life, I wouldn’t have understood what he was trying to teach me in the first place. Sometimes God will bring the best things in life to you just to see how you handle it.
For instances, when I was 17 years old I got a record deal with my band. We went into studio in the winter and finished late spring. We were the next big thing to go out to promote a radio single, but the label promotion guys kept holding the trip back. We were supposed to go out in June, then July, then they said August, finally they said, “Something is going on with the label, we need you guys to lay low for a while” little did we know the two Presidents of the label were trying to buy out the label because there contracts were up. But it didn’t work and they left the end of that year.
While all this is going down, one of the band members was going through a divorce. He was fighting for custody for his son and there was just a lot of things going on in our personal lives. But we were always ready to do whatever the label wanted us to do, but at this point we had no idea what was going to happen. The beginning of the next year a new label president came in the picture. We were so excited everything was going to work, we just knew it, our producer knows the new guy, everyone has said good things, I mean we were golden…Or so we thought.
The new guy wanted us to perform a showcase downtown Nashville. We invited everyone we knew, everyone sent emails after emails after emails getting the word out. We needed this show to be a great turn out and it was. The place was packed, we saw people we’ve worked with from years pass. After we got done kissin babies we went on stage and played, we rocked the house, it was one of the best shows I’ve ever played. Everything about it felt great….But.
The next day we got a phone call from our manager saying that, “The new guy has made a decision and he has decided to let us go from the label”. Now you talk about a kick in the face, that was a feeling that made you want to throw up, cry, scream, something. Because you have spent time and money on recording a record everyone believes in and just like that it’s taken away from you. By someone that didn’t have anything to do with it in the first place. It makes you think why, why did we even go through all this and then have it get taken away?
God knew. It wasn’t about anything but our personal lives. If we would have gone to radio tour then (the band member going through the divorce) soon to be ex-wife would have been tide up in all the financial battle and things would have gotten crazy and it just would have held us back physically and emotionally. So God knew. He knew that all along we just couldn’t see it, but he could. And now years have passed and you understand. We know more about recording a major record, we know more about the music business, we know if we are getting screwed through business. We have matured for the better.
The only sad thing about it all is that we have a major record on the shelves, at a major record label, collecting dust.
But God has something way better in store, just got to follow Him.