Archive for category Marriage
It is time that I share my past relationships with you all, simply because it has been on my mind for quite sometime now and if I share it with you all, I can move on and think about other things. So for the next few blogs you will be reading about what went wrong with my last girlfriend four years ago, why I’m single, and why I’ve never been in a serious relationship. So please fasten your seat belts and keep all hands inside the cockpit, because we are about to go on a bumpy ride.
Four years ago, I met this beautiful girl; she was everything I thought I wanted at the time, but being only eighteen years old it didn’t really matter who she was as long as she was beautiful. I was almost out of high school and she was almost done with her freshmen year of college. We were young and dumb and thought we had it all figured out. I was living in Nashville Tennessee at the time and she was in Fort Worth Texas. We spent most of the time on the phone talking about whatever, day and night; we were on the phone spending hours and hours everyday. Looking back it was a completely waste of time, but like I said before, we were young and dumb.
I had this bright idea to drive down to Fort Worth to go see her. I drove twelve hours straight in my truck all by myself. Just to see her for two days. We talked on the phone pretty much all the way there. We were both so excited to see each other considering we are always so far apart. Everything seemed to be falling into place. When I arrived in Fort Worth I went straight to her dorm. I wanted to get cleaned up before I went over there, but she insisted that I come there first. When I drove up to park I saw her from afar. Beautiful. Wearing a sundress and flip-flops with aviator sunglass. I couldn’t get out of my truck fast enough to run up to her with open arms. We embraced and at that moment, everything was perfect.
That night we end up going to the movies to see a movie that was not something I would have recommended on a date. But it didn’t really matter because we ended up making out through most of it. (Again remember we were young and dumb, making out in a movie theater is a high school thing to do, I know better now)
After the movie we ended up going back to her dorm and hanging out, talked all night about the future. Basically had no idea what we were doing because we were stupid kids with big dreams for each other. I knew this was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I mean we already told each other we loved one another long time ago, but this was a reassurance that she was it.
After leaving Sunday morning about a hundred times, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving her there was something I couldn’t bare. I felt like leaving the life I had and start a new one with her, thank God I didn’t. When I arrived at home after another twelve hours back, things started to change. We both started to get the “Out-of-sight, Out-of-mind” symptoms. Life took over for both of us and the emails and text messages were fading and the phone calls were getting fewer everyday. It was only a matter of time for one of us to pull the plug. But she did it in a way that would hurt me for a long time coming.
She ended up seeing another guy behind my back. A guy that looked like he was a bully when he was in school, someone you would not want to take home to your parents house. Being on Facebook and seeing pictures she uploaded of her and her new boyfriend felt like a knife stabbed me right in the back. She might as well of ripped my heart out like Jim Curry did that Chinese guy in Dumb and Dumber, put it in a doggy bag and stomp on it with high heels. Would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain because I would be dead. It took me over two years to get over her. We shared a lot together that you can’t take back.
A year went by and we ended up going out to dinner one night I was in town. I was trying to “win her back”, at the time. Of course she had dumb that guy she cheated on me with. We were older and more mature. She started talking about things that were not interesting, things that didn’t amount to anything. I started to see something in me that I never saw before. I felt like the smart one at the table. Even though she was a year older, I was more the adult. I just stared at her while she was talking about stupid stuff, looking as beautiful as ever, just a dumb person. I knew at that moment she wasn’t the girl for me, no matter how beautiful she was or was going to turn out to be in the future, I just didn’t see us together anymore.
Looking back at all this made me realize that, I really didn’t love her at all. I loved the idea of her. The moment in time is what I loved. The fact that she was with me and that we were doing what we were doing together is what I was in love with. I wasn’t in love with her at all. I thought I was, because of the future we thought we were going to have together. Making a life together was something that was exciting and special we were both figuring out. So I guess the answer to that question is, No, I haven’t ever been in love. But I will know it for sure when I am.
Now she is married to a guy that has two kids and looks like he could be her step-dad. But I shouldn’t judge. I hope she is happy and living a great life.
So the lesson her is; for all the people who think they are in love, be curtain you are. You don’t want to go through the hell I went through. It’s no picnic.
Until next time
L-O-V-E. It’s a tricky thing. I find myself not understanding it at times. Some may say they have it all figured out and if they do, they’re liars. It’s not something that’s easy said or done, even though it is a common word used in the human vocabulary. But here’s my theory on the four-letter word.
Let’s break it down into four parts. First part: L=LEARNING, getting to know someone, finding out everything you can about that person. Their likes, dislikes, where they’ve been, dreams, goals, ambitious, secrets. Learn about what makes him or her crazy, what drives them emotionally, spiritually, physically. I believe it is important to know everything there is to know about someone and actually wanting to know. I don’t mean pretend to listen so you can sleep with them or hopefully get some boob action. (For the guys) I’m talking about wanting to learn, wanting to know and truly be interested in him or hers conversations. As for the ladies, guy’s try way to hard sometimes we know, but don’t analyze everything just because you have “the power” not every guy thinks about sex twenty four-seven. So don’t be afraid to let down your guard at times because he just might surprise you. If he’s staring at your chest every five-seconds, he’s up to no good. All he’s hearing is static coming out of your mouth. If she’s playing with her phone or looking across the room, she’s either waiting for a fake emergency call or thinking of a clever way to get the hell out of there. If these symptoms happen in the first five-minute of the conversation, it’s definitely not one-fourths of L-O-V-E.
Now, that brings us to part two: O=Obsession, not in the crazy sense. When you are two-fourths of the way to L-O-V-E you have to have some kind of obsession. As in “I need your comfort” not the “I have to have you”, there’s a difference. You can be so obsessed with someone that it’s creepy. There has to be more of a control about it and tastefulness to it. This is a very fine line with this part because you can either make it or break it in this area. If you go back to the first part about “Learning” you can get so overwhelmed with that to the point it drives you crazy and you have to have that person in your life constantly. That’s where a lot of people go wrong; it makes you look desperate and a loose canyon. Obsession is not a bad thing; it’s a complement if it’s used correctly and not forceful.
Next Part: V=VISUALIZE meaning being attractive to that person in any shape or form. Everyone will change his or her looks in time, either in a good way or a bad way. But when you love someone it has to be more than a physical attraction, it has to come deep within. When you love someone you have to take the good with the bad. That’s called, “Being Committed”. Because waking up to someone every morning of your life, seeing that same person over and over starts to become a normal thing and you’ll forget about their physical attraction towards each other, almost like it has vanished somewhere along the way. It’s still there; they just have grown numb to it in time. Being three-fourth to the way of L-O-V-E really comes down to is if you want to take the gross parts of that person to the next level, otherwise you’re wasting your time and you need to move on. People throw the L word around so much they really don’t know what it means and how powerful it truly is. It’s more than just a four-letter word. It’s God. And most people abuse it.
And finally: E=Equal (no bun intended) you’re almost in love if these symptoms occur. One more part the most important part is this; being equal to that person meaning, understanding that person to the point where there is nothing you don’t know. For instance, have you ever bought a gift for someone and they got disappointed that you got them something they didn’t like? Well, it’s not about what you got them, its about that you should have known better then to get them that gift, because you should know that they wouldn’t like it to begin with. It has nothing to do with the gift; it has to do with the person giving the gift and how the person receiving the gift feels about it. Almost a slap in the face because that person receiving the gift feels like you don’t know them at all. That is where EQUAL comes in, you have to know that person more than anyone. It is your best friend, your right hand, your better half, and your confidant.
Well there you have it. And I’m not saying this is what you have to go by to know you’re in love. This is just my little theory on what comes into falling in love, even though I’ve only been in love once. This is just more of an eye opener when it comes to relationships. But I do hope you do take the L word seriously and make sure you are in it for sure before you go throwing it around like a basketball.
Until next time
A father passing his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed to, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. “Dear Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with people in the community, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don’t worry, Dad I’m 15, I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, you Son.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true, I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when its safe for me to come home.
I was recently on Facebook trying to find people who I knew from a long time ago to see what their up to. I ended up stumbling on an old crush I had back when I was a lot younger. But when I clicked on her pictures, all I seen were photos of her wedding. Now I don’t have any feelings for this girl at all, but what struck me was that she is younger than me and already married. I do not know what it is these days but it seems like people my age are getting married more often than normal. Most of my childhood friends are already married…and have kids.
I mean I’m not saying I’m anti-marriage or anything, but come on what’s the rush? It’s different if you have known someone your whole life and you have everything figured out enough to take the leap and tie the knot. I don’t know maybe its normal and I’m getting left behind, nobody sent me a memo or a text message saying anything about getting married before you 25 and having kids at 20. I couldn’t image having kids at this time in my life, at this place in my life, at this freakin moment in my life, I would have a nervous breakdown. But then again they say having kids makes you realize how much doesn’t really matter anymore.
And for all the teenage girls that watch Teen Mom and still get pregnant……….You are stupid. The shows supposed to make you understand that getting pregnant before marriage and as a teen is hard and wrong.
We don’t know the reasons why things turn out the way they do. But what we do know (or you should know) is that God sets up those reasons. Sometimes we question those reasons and we may not like the way it is, but if you hang on and go with God’s plan it will be worth it. Because God can see where you’re going in this world. He has a plan for everyone and the reason why things don’t go the way you plan is (in my words) its because you are going down a path God doesn’t want you to go on or he has something better in store for you.
The thing a lot of people miss is that God loves you and wants you to have all your heart’s desires. I question things and wonder why He is taking me down this road, at this moment in my life and then after a few years later I realized, if I hadn’t gone down that road, at the moment in my life, I wouldn’t have understood what he was trying to teach me in the first place. Sometimes God will bring the best things in life to you just to see how you handle it.
For instances, when I was 17 years old I got a record deal with my band. We went into studio in the winter and finished late spring. We were the next big thing to go out to promote a radio single, but the label promotion guys kept holding the trip back. We were supposed to go out in June, then July, then they said August, finally they said, “Something is going on with the label, we need you guys to lay low for a while” little did we know the two Presidents of the label were trying to buy out the label because there contracts were up. But it didn’t work and they left the end of that year.
While all this is going down, one of the band members was going through a divorce. He was fighting for custody for his son and there was just a lot of things going on in our personal lives. But we were always ready to do whatever the label wanted us to do, but at this point we had no idea what was going to happen. The beginning of the next year a new label president came in the picture. We were so excited everything was going to work, we just knew it, our producer knows the new guy, everyone has said good things, I mean we were golden…Or so we thought.
The new guy wanted us to perform a showcase downtown Nashville. We invited everyone we knew, everyone sent emails after emails after emails getting the word out. We needed this show to be a great turn out and it was. The place was packed, we saw people we’ve worked with from years pass. After we got done kissin babies we went on stage and played, we rocked the house, it was one of the best shows I’ve ever played. Everything about it felt great….But.
The next day we got a phone call from our manager saying that, “The new guy has made a decision and he has decided to let us go from the label”. Now you talk about a kick in the face, that was a feeling that made you want to throw up, cry, scream, something. Because you have spent time and money on recording a record everyone believes in and just like that it’s taken away from you. By someone that didn’t have anything to do with it in the first place. It makes you think why, why did we even go through all this and then have it get taken away?
God knew. It wasn’t about anything but our personal lives. If we would have gone to radio tour then (the band member going through the divorce) soon to be ex-wife would have been tide up in all the financial battle and things would have gotten crazy and it just would have held us back physically and emotionally. So God knew. He knew that all along we just couldn’t see it, but he could. And now years have passed and you understand. We know more about recording a major record, we know more about the music business, we know if we are getting screwed through business. We have matured for the better.
The only sad thing about it all is that we have a major record on the shelves, at a major record label, collecting dust.
But God has something way better in store, just got to follow Him.